


Why Dinos Are Extinct

by Zade_Kassel



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-14
Updated: 2012-02-14
Packaged: 2017-10-31 04:12:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/339756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zade_Kassel/pseuds/Zade_Kassel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Slight AU. Dirk and Jake meet as kids in a playground park.</p><p>"It was a sunny day in the park, filled with laughing kids, relaxing parents, mounds of sand, dirt and gravel, and various activities for all. Most kids were fighting for a place on the big-kid swings, showing off on the slides, trying to see who could see-saw the hardest and the fastest or who could catch who in a sudden game of tag. Jake English was doing something more important than them all.</p><p>He was fighting a dinosaur."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why Dinos Are Extinct

**Author's Note:**

> Randomly got an urge to write a oneshot of kid!Dirk and kid!Jake meeting, so here goes. Hope you enjoy! -Zade

** Why Dinos Are Extinct **

It was a sunny day in the park, filled with laughing kids, relaxing parents, mounds of sand, dirt and gravel, and various activities for all. Most kids were fighting for a place on the big-kid swings, showing off on the slides, trying to see who could see-saw the hardest and the fastest or who could catch who in a sudden game of tag. Jake English was doing something more important than them all.

He was fighting a dinosaur.

He’d spotted it from across the playground upon entry and froze, his heart thumping with adrenaline. He glanced out the corner of his eye, but no one else seemed to pay it any mind. Wasn’t anyone concerned about this very evident, immediate threat to the continued existence of human lives? Didn’t ANYONE see this huge Godzillasaurus Rex about to stomp on them all?

Apparently no one but him saw it. And maybe that was the way it was supposed to be.

The Godzillasaurus Rex grew larger as he watched it, and he crouched at the stump of a tree, observing. It wallowed over by the sandy end, where some toddlers played with sand castles, or more often, just fell over on themselves trying to arrange one. He watched its huge, red eyes roam over the inhabitants of the playground, nostrils flaring, huge scaly arms rising up, spikes rising along its back. And then it focused on him. And he knew it recognized its match. He grinned, happy that he was carrying his twin barrel pistols on him, always ready to spring into action in the time of need like good ol’ Indy himself. Never knew when danger would strike. And currently, that time was now.

He rolled out from his stump. The dinosaur’s eyes tracked him. It came closer, stomping towards him, shaking the entire floor of the playground. Jake sprinted towards it, shooting. His bullets flew straight and true, but rang off the dinosaur, having no effect. It roared and its little arms swatted through the air. He dodged, left, right, left again, down, to avoid its blows and tried to get closer. A lucky kick slammed into its belly. It howled. As he dived away, it swiped at his leg and caught it. He was dangled in mid-air, face close to the huge snout and glistening teeth, smelling the awful breath that emitted from this beast of a saurus. Shoot!

His guns fell to the ground. Even worse. He was weaponless and upside down, next to a monster’s open mouth. He was caught.

The teeth glistened as the snout opened up, gaping black hole showcasing the throat, long tongue ready to swallow and receive. Jake squinched his eyes shut. There had to be a way out. A hero was never taken without some sort of backup plan, some way to still weasel out of it and cinch the deal. He just had to think.

****

The kid with the huge triangular shades and the katana strapped to his waist stared at the dork on the playground with folded arms. He wasn’t the only one. The kid was making an absolute racket over there, wrestling with air, screaming about how he was caught, and then using those damned plastic pistol-wannabes like they would totally do some damage. He was caught between wanting to pity the kid or admire him out of ironic appreciation. And maybe some non-ironic appreciation too. Okay, fine, the kid made his gelled anime hair stand on edge. He was kind of… cool.

A huge poof of dust flew up from the ground, covering the brown-skinned, bucktoothed, glasses-sporting kid as he fell and rolled, popping back up to his feet, adjusting his glasses as he grabbed both of his pistols and flipped one back into his other hand. Holy shit, he was cool.

Dirk was torn between approaching and just watching silently. He watched.

****

It was a good thing Jake had that bomb hidden in his belt. Never leave home without a bunch of trusty grenades. He would’ve packed dynamite, but it was kind of archaic and the source of so many comedy cartoon jokes it couldn’t really be taken seriously anymore. Besides, where would he get trusty matches?

The grenade was fast and easy, and most of all, it worked.

As Jake dropped to the ground, the monster saurus roared in pain and curled in on itself, examining or trying to close up the injury, Jake didn’t know. And he really didn’t care. He took the time to snatch up his guns and reached into a belt compartment for another distraction. Jacks.

And just in time. Because the monster charged, running straight for him. He barely had time to move.

He tossed the jacks in front of him and dove underneath the monster, rolling on his back, pistols pointed skyward. Godzillasaurus tripped on the jacks, trying to spin and catch him. But it wasn’t agile enough. It was too huge. Its tail flipped upwards as it started to topple over.

Jake let his bullets fly. _Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Pow Kachow Boom Boom Boom Boom_

They penetrated this time. The monster fell bleeding.

He leapt up and jumped onto its back as it screamed and rose, arching in the air. It tried to buck him off as he dug his heels in, riding it forward, driving more bullets into its neck. Then he was out of bullets. Shoot. And he left his extras at home. Good thing he still had his dagger.

Then he felt claws in his leg, yanking. He gritted his teeth, holding on for dear life. He refused to get pulled off now. He couldn’t. He was this close to saving humanity. And the playground. And the sand castles beneath its feet. He let out a battle scream and lunged forward, putting all his weight behind the stab. His dagger dug itself into the monster’s neck, buried hilt-deep. The monster stumbled, once, twice, and groggily came to a stop. It let out a pitiful little moan and collapsed with a huge mushroom of dust, flopping onto the ground.

Jake jumped off of it last minute, landing beside it. He stared at its carcass, panting, as a slow grin spread over his face.

Another battle fought. Another one won.

“You thought you could take me?” Jake pokes at the big dead dino beneath his feet. “No one can take an English and survive!” His leg was bleeding, but he didn’t care. He rammed it on top of the Godzillasaurus Rex’s head anyway and pointed his empty pistols at it.

 _Bang bang_ , he mouthed, raising the ends of his pistols to him and blowing on them. Then he stowed them away in his holster again with a satisfying huff.

As he turned around, he saw another kid in front of him, blond with sunglasses that swallowed his face and what looked like mock Street Fighter gloves on or something. He tried to quell the nervousness rising up in him with a challenging stare. He was good with monsters and villains and big giant rocks and things. But humans were never his strong point. Part of him wanted to abscond from the entire thing.

And then the kid held out a flower. Or actually it was a dandelion. But whatever, they looked enough like flowers to count anyway. The other kid spoke.  “You were pretty cool.”

Jake swallowed his nervousness. Shut up, he’s complimenting you, he argued at himself. “Uh, thanks.” He took the flower-weed. After an expectant silence in which he wasn’t really sure what he was supposed to do, he sniffed it.

****

Dirk approached the boy after he’d taken a wild ride on the pogosaurus and won, apparently, hugging it like it was his prized trophy he’d reclaimed from the dead. He picked up a flower on the way since he figured if he was going to appear out of nowhere like some prince in a fairy tale that was the only way to do it proper. And then he made sure he appeared as cool as ever, because the only way to approach a dorky cool kid was to appear even cooler himself, and by default avoid the whole “groupie” category that seemed to hang over dorky cool kids and the people who liked them.

When he sniffed the flower, Dirk couldn’t decide between amusement and clichéd exasperation, so he didn’t go with either and asked a question instead. “Do you always come out here and fight pogo monsters?”

“It was a Godzillasaurus Rex.”

“Yes, okay, so those.”

“I do it occasionally. When I escape from my island. I take a boat here sometimes, to see other people. See other kids. What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Do you always come out here dressed like Robin Hood?”

Dirk choked, covering it up with a smooth exhale of air. “I’m not the heroic rogue of the poor, sorry to disappoint. I have no tights and no stupid feather in my hat.”

“It is a cool hat.”

That elicited a genuine smile. “Thanks.”

“Then what’s the sword for?”

“Fighting bad guys. What else?”

“Then maybe next time you should come with me on my Dino hunt and slaughter some beasts. Or my treasure hunts. They’re just as bad. Thieves always come in and want to steal the treasure, or collapse the caves right on your head.”

“Sounds totally lame.”

“You’ll never know unless you try.”

Dirk held out a hand. “Dirk Strider.”

Jake grasped it in return. “Jake English.”

Fingers touched Dirk’s shoulder. He knew who it was. He’d been found. Dirk brushed off his Bro’s hand and bent down over Jake’s instead. He brushed his lips against Jake’s fingers. “Until we meet again.”

Jake looked embarrassed at the motion. “I’m not a fucking princess or something!” But nevertheless he laughed. Dirk found he liked it when the other boy laughed.

“Never said you were. But I might have to save you a few times over if you give the same pathetic performance you gave today. I think you’ll earn the title.”

“Still haven’t seen you beat a 10 foot tall Dino yet. I think I’ll reserve the call.”

“Only 10 feet? I’ve beat villains 5 times that size.”

His Bro interrupted from behind. “We’ve still got more sights to see. We’re not even half-done, little bro.”

“I never told you to go on excursions for your stupid comic,” Dirk retorted.

“Wanna eat. Gotta work.”

“How is this even a vacation, is my main question.”

Instead of being answered, Dirk was suddenly lifted up and placed over his Bro’s shoulder. Lil Cal flopped out from an unknown place and fell onto his face. He felt himself flush, cool cover blown, façade ruined. Seriously, the only way he could even possibly save face was due to these ridiculous glasses. But since he could feel his face turning redder than ever before he knew that was probably already unsalvageable. And his Bro knew that, which was exactly why he did it. Ugh, he hated him sometimes. If his arm hadn’t already been pinned down knowingly, he would’ve tried to thwack him with his sword. He didn’t care if it was an awkward angle.

When he finally got Cal unwrapped from his face, he saw Jake grinning at him, lowering himself into a bow, blowing him a kiss off the dandelion he gave him.

“Later, little princess!”

 _Fuuuuuuuuuck._ Cool mode totally ruined. Why did he have to be the princess?

“I hate you, Bro,” Dirk murmured.

“Relax. One day you’ll have game too. It just aint today.”

Jake’s green eyes bobbed in his vision as he was carried ungracefully away.

 


End file.
